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This year represents a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could instantly end communication with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the phrases this generation is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's response is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to going for someone who helps you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal traits suggesting a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners unstable, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your choice to date a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that immediately kill any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet act.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {